Perspective

This is the artwork that hangs on the wall directly outside my bedroom in Chicago. Its the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up, and its the last thing I glance at before going to bed. What is it? Its a reminder, a series of echoes from those who came before me, those who inspired me and created in me a sense of duty and work ethic. It suggests to me how fortunate I am to be doing a job I love, a job that is safe, not physically demanding and fulfilling. I am a teacher....my father and grandfather were both coal miners.

The helmet belonged to my grandfather, a man who endured the rigors of a West Virginia coal mine for over 35 years. One of my lasting memories of Grandpap Held was his incessant coughing, a souvenir of this life spent underground, breathing in coaldust. The lunchpail top is my father's. My father also worked in and at the coal mines for over 30 years. My father's job was shift work, which meant for the better part of my life, he changed his sleep schedule every week. Dayshift meant he worked from 8 to 5, afternoon shift from 3 to 12 and midnight shift from midnight to 9 am. I don't know how he did that for so long, but that's why he's my hero. And now, when I wake up to go to work, no matter how tired or grouchy or lazy I might feel, I can look at that wall and be reminded how lucky I am to work in the teaching profession. Thanks Dad, thanks Grandpa, I only I hope I can live up to your examples that hang proudly next to my bedroom, and that resonate loudly in my heart.

Only in America #35

The Snuggie. Just the saying the name is enough to elicit giggles. Only in America could someone become a millionaire by throwing sleeves on a blanket, creating ridiculous commercials and selling something that has become more punchline than product. Then there is this item I saw while strolling the aisles of my local grocery store:

Is there really a huge market for this product? First of all, if its cold enough to wear a Snuggie, why would you be at the beach? And if you did want to wear your Snuggie to the beach, how is this one any different than the original one? I know, I know...I am just angry because I didn't think of it first...but come on...

Then there was this in a Starbucks restroom...

English is Hard

If you read my last entry I hope you were as disappointed as I was in all the misspellings on my speeding ticket. Its kind of scary when you think about how important details are in maintaining, say, the safety of a bridge or flying a plane...lets just hope the person responsible for editing the speeding tickets is not the same person building our bridges or flying our planes.

In the hopes of helping myself deal with this, I looked through a list that my English teacher colleague gave me in China. It puts into perspective how perplexing our language truly is...and it helps clarify how difficult learning English as a second language must be.

You think English easy??

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must Polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were to close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rids of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

The Speeding Ticket

After spending the last two years in China, I was shocked(in more ways than one) upon my return to Chicago. I embarked on my return trip to Chicago, from Pittsburgh and with my mom, with a carload of my stuff and an overnight driving assignment. Motoring across half the eastern seaboard in the darkness of night, we arrived in the Chicago city limits around 8 am. Mentally exhausted, yet physically wide awake thanks to the 5 hour energy shot I drank, we hit Lake Shore Drive with about 15 minutes of driving left before we would arrive at my condo and some much needed rest. A trip as seamless as this one couldn't possibly finish problem free, could it? I had my answer as I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the flashing lights of a Chicago police car. After pulling over and answering the obligatory questions, I was quickly and summarily handed a speeding ticket for going 60 in a 45. Upset, since it was my first time driving in Chicago in over 6 years, I headed home in a disappointed state.

Once I got home, however, andhad a chance toexamine the ticket, my anger quickly turned into bemusement, and a slight bit of shame. Check out the pictures of the speeding ticket and see what you notice(particularly the green part). I found three spelling errors on this state produced piece of paper. Having just left China, where English errors were common, but accepted, since, well, the people writing it are Chinese and English isn't their first language, I was appalled. I will still pay the ticket, but how embarrassing that a piece of paper issued by one of the largest and richest states in the US can have so many mistakes. By the way...can you find the three typos? Put them in the comments.....