The Green Hat

It all began innocuously enough. As I left my apartment to go to school on St. Patrick's Day this year, I suddenly remembered a green hat I owned that would top off my all green outfit. I passed the closet that contained the hat, quickly reached in, grabbed it and threw it on top of my head with little thought. Little did I know that the green hat was about to teach me a lot about Chinese culture.

As the school day went on, I noticed that the Chinese staff at my school were constantly staring at me, smiling, and then going back to work. I was self conscious, and did all the appropriate checks (zipper check, booger check, etc.) but they all came up empty. I then just figured it must be my all green outfit...they weren't used to seeing me dressed so...strangely. Finally, however, the mystery was solved. During the last section of the day, when I had a planning period, one of the Chinese staff, the one I affectionately referred to as my "Chinese Mom", came running into my classroom. She was very concerned:

China Mom: "Adam, you can't wear that hat!"

Me: "Its OK...its a holiday in America, everyone wears green."

China Mom: "Take the hat off!" (She is visibly upset...she reaches for the hat, I pull back.)

Me: "I like the hat. What's wrong with it?"

China Mom: "Everyone(Chinese Staff) is laughing at you. Its bad to wear it."

Me: "Why?"

China Mom: "Who gave it to you?"

Me: "My girlfriend bought it for me."

China Mom: (A look of abject horror on her face) "That's really bad." "Your girlfriend...she is cheating on you."

Me: "What!!??" (Now the look of abject horror had exchanged faces)

China Mom: "Only a fool wears a green hat in China. Take it off!" (That was true...I had never seen a green hat before in China...but when do you ever see them really?)

Me: "I don't understand..." as I removed the hat.

China Mom: "Ancient Chinese custom - if a man wears a green hat his girlfriend gave him, it means she is cheating on him and doesn't love him. A Chinese man will never wear a green hat - it is the most embarrassing thing a man can do."

So there you go. Two worlds collide, cultures clash, with a green hat in the middle. I did some research, and only one type of man will ever wear a green hat in China.

A pimp.

Oops...

The Controversial Green Hat - Halloween 2010

The Cutest Kids in the World....

...are from Korea.

I feel qualified to say this because I have seen kids from all over the world for the past 33 years, and it wasn't until a visit to Seoul this year that I felt certain that I had found the cutest kids.

Why? Two reasons:

1) I saw this particular group of children at a Korean amusement park in February, so they were all super, little kid excited, but they were hampered by 8 layers of clothing. Its was funny and cute to see these opposing forces (excitement vs. clothing) face off.

2) They bow like nobodies business. Korean culture requires a bow with a hello, yet these little kids were about 4 or 5 years old, so they were just learning the bow, and their bowing skills were all over the board. Watch the end of the video, one little kid holds his bow for well over 8 seconds. He has some work to do....

Only in America #34

I was wandering around Wal-Mart today...amazed by the sheer quantity and choice offered by each aisle, stunned by how different this American retail world compare to the simple stores I was shopping at for the past two years in China. Not only were there so many more choices, but I knew exactly what each item was for. I remember buying oil my first week in China, cooking with it and immediately after taking the first bite of chicken, having my entire mouth go numb. I freaked out, threw the oil away and stopped cooking for a while. It wasn't until I talked to my Chinese teacher and told her the story that she started laughing. Apparently in China they sell this cooking oil made from a plant that numbs the mouth...its very popular...yet I had no way of knowing what the product was because I couldn't and can't read Chinese.

So today, in Wal-Mart, I am enjoying my literacy, walking in a wide eyed daze around the aisles when all of a sudden I come across a product that literally made me stop, stare and do a half-laugh, half-choke sound.

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GE Wireless Decoy Security Camera

Model # 45238 Internet # 202040380

$19.77/EA-EachShips FREE with $249.00 Order

The best part about this product isn't that it doesn't work..but that they market the fact that it doesn't work! The box said something like, "Don't bother with expensive and time consuming security devices, use our decoy camera and rest assured your house is safe." What? What if the crooks are shopping at Wal-Mart...aren't they going to recognize this product? Maybe they carry one around with them, and when they get to a house with a security camera, hold it up and compare. "Alright, this one is fake. Let's clean out the house...."

Safety Scmafety

Growing up in the US, I have grown accustomed to the litigious nature of our culture. I mean turn on the TV and look at how many times lawyers and judges are prominently displayed as the main part of the plot. In fact, we have shows that are just about judges! Judge Judy, Judge Mathis and Judge Joe Brown take over the TV airwaves from 3 to 5 pm EST. My dad's favorite show is Law and Order, and my mom liked a show called Judging Amy, about a woman who works as a judge. Its because of this cultural indoctrination that living in China really opened my eyes to how "safe" and "lawsuit" proof many enterprises in the US operate.

For example, construction sites in the US are heavily guarded, almost like an Army base or the secret formula to Coke, with signage everywhere guiding the wayward pedestrian towards the safest, re: least likely to get injured or maimed and sue the sh** out of our company, path. If they left construction sites unprotected, would people really be dumb enough to wander right.....I stopped myself in mid sentence because I know the answer....of course they would. Heck, if I saw a giant crane in a mud crater lifting blocks I would want to take a closer look.

Juxtapose this with China. Either they trust their people more in China (doubtful, since they don't even let people in China change their Facebook status lest a revolution ensues...) or they just don't care (ie. go ahead and try and sue the Chinese government, good luck, we will decide how much you get, not some overpriced lawyer with a yacht to pay for...)

With that being the case, I shouldn't have been surprised by my close encounters with construction sites in China....check it out...

What's in a name

OK -

First of all, I am going to be retroactively updating my blog over the next several months. I've got a lot of interesting stories and pictures to post, but because of the great firewall of China, it was very difficult for me to get stuff on here during the year. This means I have had some time to think about the stories I can write about and to come up with funnier versions which skirt reality while maintaining the essence of the experience. The updates should be frequent, so to my loyal followers(Mom), check back every couple days and the stories should begin trickling in.

I am going to start with an easy one...don't want to strain my cerebellum on the first day back to blogging.

Names are very important. For example, my aunt is babysitting a child right now named, and I kid you not, Angus Doodle. Angus Doodle.....the poor child is five, and has no idea what his future holds, but I can pretty much predict with a name like Angus Doodle his future isn't very bright. American parents with the last name of Doodle probably should be even more careful than most parents when choosing baby names. Did the mother decide the name while the epidural was still in effect? Did they sound that name out a few times?

That brings me to the point of this post. While in Korea, I ran across two different coffee shops that were only a few streets apart, both with names that might not resonate with the Korea population, but if owners in the US gave the same names, they would be guilty of gross negligence. Check it out....

Konglish

Spending the past two years in China, I have become a little desensitized to the mangling of the English language, otherwise known as Chinglish. I have posted some pictures in earlier blogs showing some of the prime examples of this entertaining phenomenon. After visiting Korea, Karen and I were disappointed by the lack of what would be considered Konglish, or the Korea version of Chinglish. The Koreans, apparently, have a much better grasp of the English language than the Chinese. With one exception, that being this tour bus we passed while in Seoul.

Run...DMZ!

Recently I visited what has to be one of the strangest places in the world. North of Seoul, by about 55 km, is something called the Demilitarized Zone(DMZ). It is essentially the line of demarkation between South Korea and North Korea. Established in 1953, its basically the location of the world's greatest staring contest. Tension runs high in this thin strip of land that runs east to west in a jagged line across Korea. The town that we visited is the only place tourist are allowed to visit along the entire DMZ. Entering from the South Korean side, one must first endure a briefing given by fully armed US soldiers who show a powerpoint and make you sign a paper basically saying that if a North Korean soldier decides to shoot and it kills you, its not the US governments fault. The US maintains a small military presence near the DMZ to aid South Korean in case of an attempted invasion. North Korea has tried to invade into South Korea in the past, but not in a convential way. The South Koreans have discovered over 4 tunnels that North Korea built in an attempt to invade. One tunnel came within a few kilometers of Seoul. When discovered, the North Koreans told South Korea they were coal mines, and even went through the trouble of smearing coal dust on the walls to keep up appearances. As a tourist, you are allowed to enter blue buildings that stand on the border of North and South...and can walk to one side of the building, where you will be standing in North Korea.

North Korea is across the road...yikes!