The Wedding

Two weeks ago I was invited to attend a Chinese wedding by one of my Chinese coworkers. I was excited for the chance to see an eastern wedding and happily accepted the invitation. The wedding was yesterday and will no doubt be one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Where to begin? My friend, Caroline, who was visiting Shanghai for a few days, and I headed to the wedding very early in the morning and were greeted at the train station by Holly, my Chinese coworker, and her 92 old grandmother. Her grandmother had raised Holly from the age of 4 months old. Holly's father, an intellectual during the time of the cultural revolution, was sent to prison around the time Holly was born, and so Holly moved to Shanghai to live with her grandmother. Holly's grandmother, who adopted Holly when she herself was 60 years old, had lost her husband when she was 21 years old. He was shot by Japanese soldiers while working in a rice field. By Chinese custom during that time, she was not allowed to remarry. So from the age of 21 she has lived alone, yet maintains one of the most joyful and hopeful outlooks of anyone I've ever met. Holly is so devoted to her that she has moved in with her grandmother to help her with tasks and to keep her company. This familial devotion is common in China - and made me question what I will do when my own parents need aid in their day to day lives. 

The wedding was taking place in a small town two hours north of Shanghai. Its name is Changzhou. When arriving in Changzhou, we were escorted to the bride and groom's apartment, which was purchased by the bride's family, and waited to see the bride and groom as they arrived pre-wedding. Once the bridal car pulled into the apartment complex, it was serenaded by a loud and smoky fireworks show.

Once the soon to be bride and groom made their way up the stairs into the apartment, a social mixer of sorts broke out. Members of both families were there and drinks and food were offered to us by almost everyone there. It soon became clear that we were more than just your average guests, that it was a big deal for us to be there. This fact didn't completely dawn on me until we were ushered into the couple's bedroom and told to sit on their wedding bed to take photos with them. It sure felt odd to me, I think I managed to mask my discomfort pretty well in the pictures, but both Caroline and I felt very strange. After the mixer at the couple's house, we where whisked away in a car to the location of the actual wedding. This was to be held in the nicest hotel in all of Changzhou, as the bride's family was wealthy and could afford the best for their daughter. The wedding was surprisingly western...except for one difference. Since most Chinese are non-Christians, pastors are not necessary for the ceremony. The person performing the wedding duties was a beautiful young Chinese girl in a dazzling evening gown. This made it feel more like a game show than a wedding. Once the ceremonies were over, the groom had to CARRY the bride around to every table in the room. By the end, he was red faced and out of breath, and I can't say I blame him. 

Caroline and I sat at a table with Holly, her grandmother and several uncles and aunts. As the dinner wore on, being the only foreigners, we increasingly became the center of attention. Soon, men were coming over to me and offering, more like challenging, me to drink shots with them. I obliged out of a need not to upset any social morays, and soon was downing shot after shot, initiated by the salute, "Gan Bei", a Chinese version of "Cheers" except you must drink to the bottom of the glass. 

Dizzy after finishing these drinks, we left the hotel and headed to a tomb of sorts for Holly's family. It was a building that housed the records of Holly's family dating back over 300 years, longer the the United States has existed. The family payed their respects to their ancestors with incense and bows, and we left to head to a post wedding feast. Midway through the feast, we were interrupted by a large explosion. Out on the street in front of the house, a ceremonial fireworks show had started to usher in good luck or scare away evil spirits. I know one thing, I can't speak for the evil spirits, but I was pretty frightened!