The Most Interesting Day Ever

I have always been the person that has been able to either a) be personally involved in a predicament that leaves people shaking their heads in disbelief OR b) helping someone else get involved in a similar predicament. As an example of the former, my parents could probably recall a dozen stories from my childhood, such as the time I managed to get a raisin stuck so far into my ear that I had to get a doctor to remove it. (I was 4 - so its understandable - I was probably doing one of my first science experiments.) Or the time in 6th grade when I managed to give myself a concussion by holding my breath in the school bathroom. (Again - maybe an example of scientific curiousity trumping common sense?)

These events have gotten less and less common as I've gotten older and more mature(relatively).

I did, however, manage, through events both in and out of my control, to orchestrate one of the more interesting days in someone else's life. The someone else is someone very special to me, which made the events that unfolded even harder to swallow, although I think we are able to laugh about them now. At least a little bit...right, Karen?

Let me set the scene. My girlfriend and I parted ways(geographically, not romantically) at the beginning of August 2008, with me moving to China and her staying in Chicago. We vowed to stay in touch daily, and thanks to Skype, pretty much met our goal. Karen also planned to come to Shanghai in November to visit, which meant that we had over 100 days between face to face meetings. It was the first time I had tried a long distance relationship, which might have been good for me, because I didn't have much success at short distance relationships. Anyways, when Karen arrived in November, we had to make up for lost time.

Since she had spent three years of her life, albeit as a child, living in Singapore, in my mind I thought she would be able to handle the drastic culture difference China presents to a first time visitor. She arrived at the airport, we had the obligatory long hug/kiss, and we jumped in a taxi back to my place. My house in Shanghai, by Chinese standards, is in the country. This means it is VERY Chinese. No Western amenities to be found, and no other white people to found either. Karen arrived, threw her bags down and after a fifteen minute chat, we decided to go grab some food. I thought it would be a nice surprise to take Karen to the small, local restaurant I had been frequenting to introduce her to the owners, who had become friends of mine, and also to give her a little bit of my neighborhood's Chinese flavor. Since it was a dark, chilly night, we decided to forgo the 5 minute walk and jumped into a tuk-tuk. If you don't know what a tuk tuk is, at least as they are constructed in Shanghai, imagine this: You take a bicycle, and with a few pieces of wire and/or duct tape, attach a small wagon to the back of it. If could also manage to fit a couple of supports in the wagon, you would be able to build a small canopy to protect yourself from the elements. Sit in the wagon, and allow someone to pedal you around wherever you want for a small fee. The tuk tuks in Shanghai are a little more advanced than this, but I cannot vouch for the quality of their construction. There are times where you question whether the next bump you hit will send you off in a different direction than the person riding the bike. The thing is, everyone rides in them, so its easy to convince yourself that they are safe. And they usually are...except for this night. As we rode along a back alley, filled with potholes and pieces of debris, Karen and I were getting a rather bumpy, but normal experience for a tuk tuk ride. As the alley opened up onto the main road which we had to cross to get to the restaurant, our overzealous driver did something dangerous, even by China's nonexistent driving standards, he shot right out in front of oncoming traffic. I had been conditioned to such, umm, unorthodox driving during my 4 months in China, but Karen had no experience to draw upon. She let out a small shriek as he pulled out, apparently oblivious to the oncoming cars in BOTH directions. While this is normal for driving in China, what happened next wasn't. As we were halfway across the road, we heard tires screaming as a car was applying its brakes. Since Karen and I were in the back of the tuk tuk and covered by the canopy, we couldn't see the cars in either direction. It made the experience about ten times scarier - and we then see a car run into the bicycle at the front of the tuk tuk. I had been in China for four months, and ridden in a tuk tuk quite a bit, but I had never seen an accident until now. The car was probably going about 10 miles an hour, fast enough to slam into the driver and knock the bike loose from the tuk tuk. Karen is hyperventilating at this point, and we are now standing in the middle of the road, with our tuk tuk driver on the ground, his bike in shambles next to him, and traffic piling up in either direction. As I look around, and a crowd begins to gather, I realize we have two options. We can stand around and wait for the police, and with stories of foreigners being blamed for accidents and being extorted for money, this didn't seem like a good option. After a quick check to make sure the tuk tuk driver was OK - he was fine, up on his feet and saying loud Chinese words to the driver of the car - we briskly continued across the street, and with a quick left and then a right, had disappeared around the corner and were heading to the restaurant. It took both of us a few minutes to calm down once we reached the restaurant, but after assuring Karen that it was OK to leave the scene, and that accidents like that are exceedingly rare(which I doubted, but felt compelled to say anyways), she seemed to accept it for what it was, a freakish and scary accident, but nothing more. As our dinner progressed, we began to draw a crowd at the restaurant. This, I told Karen, was to be expected. The owners told me that I was the only non-Chnese person to ever eat at their restaurant, and often people would sit at the table next to me and stare or offer me a cigarette while I was eating. I knew then, that a table with two laowai, especially one with striking features like Karen has, with blonde hair and blue eyes, would attract quite a crowd. Truthfully, I enjoy the attention. It gives me a chance to surprise the person when I say something in Chinese, and then I can practice my nascent Chinese skills for a few minutes. Tonight, as the patrons in the restaurant stared at us as we ate, I noticed a man dressed in a uniform approach the table. I quickly realized that he was a police officer, and my heart skipped a beat. As he was approaching, Karen and I shared a quick glance that said it all - "Oh, ****!" We thought the cops had hunted us down, and maybe we would be escorted to the Chinese police station for some "questioning." I thought to myself that this is how international incidents begin. Before any of my fears could be realized, the police officer said something to Karen. I didn't understand most of it, but I knew he said "chopstick" and he was motioning to the waitress to come over to the table. As the waitress approached, I saw that she had a fork in her hand. The cop preceded to take the chopsticks OUT of Karen's hands and gave her a fork. Apparently he was displeased with the way she was using the chopsticks, or maybe he thought that she looked like she couldn't possibly understand how to use such a complicated utensil. Karen protested and said that she was fine and would like to continue using the chopsticks, but the cop stood resolute for a while longer, holding the fork out as if telling Karen that she had no choice but to use it. When he finally left, I smiled at Karen and said, "Welcome to China!"
After dinner we headed to the local grocery store to pick up a few items, and we both talked, naively, of how the night couldn't get anymore interesting. We were wrong.
Upon arriving at the grocery store, Karen noticed a small child riding in a coin operated ride. Chinese babies are impossible to look at just once. They are like the Lay's chips of babies, you can't just look once, because they are so cute! Karen was mesmerized by this Chinese baby in this ride, so we stood and watched for a few seconds. As we were standing there, I noticed a Chinese man and woman quickly approaching us. Before we could say a word, the man had thrust his newborn baby in front of him, offering him to Karen. At first we were both flabbergasted, and then I realized he wanted his baby to have a picture with Karen. Again, her features are very striking, even more so in China, so I imagine the father is thinking, "Its baby's first picture with a white person!" I look at Karen and see this stunned look on her face, as she tentatively holds the baby with a look of shock on her face, and I can barely contain myself, I want to burst out laughing. The father takes a few pictures, tries to position his newborn's fingers into a peace sign, fails at that, snaps a few more pictures, and finally, mercifully from Karen's perspective, takes the baby back into his arms. As the Chinese family walks away, waving at us, total strangers who they chose to hand over their baby, Karen looks at me and asks, "Is this a normal day?" I put my arm around her and with a smile tell her, "No, its usually much worse than this."