Lost in Translation #2

Last weekend I went to a store called B & Q. Home Depot in China is more like it - even down to the orange signage all around. I had gone there to buy whiteboards for my student's groupwork. In America, I had purchased a sheet of showerboard(which is what I use for my whiteboards)  and had it cut into equal sized squares. It was a simple process and I was able to walk out of the Home Depot with enough white boards for each student to work on. Well - as I am quickly finding out - tasks which are simple in America are no longer simple. I entered the Chinese Home Depot and quickly found a salesperson. I had my Chinese-English dictionary with me, but much to my chagrin it did not have the word showerboard in its list of S words. That meant it was time for a game of what I call Chinese Charades. I have played this game several times before in different locations - and it usually is to the great amusement of the person I am talking to, and a great headache for me. I began my pantomime with a shower that Marcel Marceau would have been proud of - and to my surprise the salesman immediately smiled and walked me directly back to the.....showerheads. Not bad though, I was on the right track. I wanted to convey that I was looking for wood, so I began to pantomime a tree. I did this by squatting with my hands around an invisible tree trunk. I then stood up slowly with my hands still around the shaft of the tree and finally I would spread my hands out and wiggle my fingers several times to show the leaves of my "tree." The first time was no good - a blank stare was all that I received in return for my performance, so I squatted again. As I rose a second time with my hands around the imaginary trunk - I heard the salesman say something in Chinese - and before I knew it a group of about 6 other salesman had gathered to watch the show. I went for a third squat and as I was finishing the "leaves" of my "tree" the entire group burst out laughing and it was clear to me that my motions conveyed something decidedly different to these men. They were not seeing my "tree" - but something rather inappropriate for the main floor that I realized too late to prevent  Now embarrassed and having what seemed like half of the staff of the store laughing at me - I ran to the wood section of the store - grabbed a piece of wood and brought it back. I finally got the message across and about 5 minutes later I got what I wanted, but like everything in China - the experience costs much more than the object itself.